Twenty years ago I wrote a column in Autosport entitled “Technically Speaking” which was a description of how an F1 journalist goes about trying to discover the truth. It was, I wrote, “like trying to attach a strawberry jelly to the back of a greased pig – with a staple gun” and required “the technical accuracy of a lawyer, the lateral-thinking ability of a nuclear physicist and the resilience of a marathon dancer”.
To illustrate this point I wrote a short scenario which I hope you will find interesting:
You hear on the grapevine that the A Team is about to sign a sponsorship deal with Hackensack Toiletries International Inc and is going to sign up the driver Greg Buckett.
“Hello Mr Team Manager. Do you have a moment?” [Normally, at this point, he walks straight past you and says “No!”]
Four hours later you are waiting outside the motorhome when he emerges. You leap out from behind a potted plant and corner him.
“I have to go to a meeting,” he says swiftly, backing into a corner.
“It’ll only take a moment,” you croon reassuringly.
He glances sideways. Where is the Seventh Cavalry when he needs them?
The interview begins (translations appear in brackets)…
Do you have a deal with Hackensack Toiletries International Inc?
“No.” (Of course I don’t, but the team does.)
Does the team have a deal with Hackensack?
“To the best of my knowledge, the team does not have such an agreement at the moment.” (I will deny I knew about the deal at the point at which you asked me).
Have you talked to Glen Buckett?
“No.” (I haven’t talked to Glen Buckett but I asked a man to approach him on my behalf).
Have any of your team spoken to Glen Buckett?
“No.” (The man who asked him was acting as a private individual and was not representing the team in any official capacity).
Have you spoken to Glen Buckett through an intermediary?
“No.” (Glen Buckett spoke to a team member – not an intermediary).
Have you instigated any approach by anyone to Glen Buckett?
“To the best of my knowledge, at this moment in time, no approach has been made by me.” (Well, of course, I have).
Okay, thank you. Let’s try talking to Glen Buckett…
Hello Glen.
“I’m sorry I have to go to debriefing.”
It’s back behind the potted plant again. Some time later, he re-emerges, is cornered, and made to speak.
Do you have a contract with the Hackensack A Team?
“No.” (The team won’t be called the Hackensack A Team it will be called A Team Hackensack and besides the contract is in my briefcase which is in the motorhome. I don’t have it on me. The pockets in my overalls are not big enough).
Have you signed an option with the A Team?
“No.” (Technically it is not an option, it is a full-blown contract).
Have you signed a contract with the A Team?
“No.” (The piece of paper I don’t have with me may be a contract but in court there would be hundred of loopholes will would render it useless – as all F1 contracts are if the right price is offered. Thus, in essence, it is not really a contract).
Thank you Glen. Oh, by the way, what happened to your car in the last session?
“It was an electrical problem.” (A rod came through the side of the engine and knocked the alternator off.)
Technically, of course, everything said is true…
So, let us examine certain remarks made in recent days. A Reuters report said that Maldonado was “an admirer and friend of Venezuela’s President Hugo Chavez” and quoted Chaves as saying that “We’re backing Pastor Maldonado and his team via PDVSA, so he can race round the world and show what he’s made of.” Maldonado also has support from the national telecommunications company CANTV, which Chavez nationalised in 2007. Reuters quoted Maldonado was saying that “I’m delighted with the support President Chavez has given me, not just economic but moral too”.
In defence of Adam Parr, it is true that Maldonado himself is not paying the money to the team, but the Venezuelan government clearly is and it wants Maldonado in the Williams seat. If this were a conventional sponsorship then the team would have taken the money and kept Nico Hulkenberg, who was clearly better than Maldonado when they were team-mates in GP2 in 2009, when Maldonado had two years more experience in the formula.
It may be that the money is not specifically tied to Maldonado. From what I hear the deal is for $36 million a year, for the next five years – a total of $180 million. And, yes, you are welcome to say “Wow!” after reading that. Obviously, in such a scenario the team could not agree to run Maldonado for the entire term of the contract because he might (just conceivably) not be fast enough to deserve a seat in F1, although it has to be said that this did not stop Milka Duna, another Venezuelan with support from Chaves from wasting her energies (and public money) in recent years in IndyCar racing. My understanding of the deal is that if the team wants to change drivers, it must agree to take any suitable up-and-coming Venezuelan of a certain level of competence (as defined, no doubt, in some clause or other), if one is available… Good news for Johnny Cecotto Jr et al…
Similarly, I read an email from an Italian website called http://www.422race.com, that Tonio Liuzzi has not had any conversations with Force India about his future.
Hmmm… well, perhaps someone has been doing the talking on his behalf…
joeblogsf1 
Perhaps Tonio thinks he is having a monologue with Force India, given that the team hasn’t told us what it’s doing yet and Tonio seems from his quotes to be a little fed up with the situation. A monologue is not a conversation 😉
I believe that Maldonado was peddling PDVSA cash a year ago and could’ve had a choice of seats in F1 for US$15m…but couldn’t raise the cash.
For 2011, he could sign elsewhere for US$5m (Virgin)….and it is public money after all
I expect from everything else that we’ve seen and heard, if he really had US$36m a year for five years (bearing in mind he drove for Eric Boullier’s DAMS team in GP2) Renault would’ve signed him, offered Chavez equity, the whole shooting match.
Wonder if it’s Adam Parr that’s started the US$180m deal value message? Anyway, we’ll all know very soon, because Sir Frank did recently say that if we see him at all the fly-aways anytime soon, it’s because they’ve landed a ball of money, so, tick-tock, tick-tock…
I took the liberty of exclaiming ‘bloody hell!’ instead of ‘wow!’. Hope that’s alright.
Great entry as always, Joe. Of all the F1 blogs I read on a regular basis, I find yours to be the most lateral and refreshing in its approach; many thanks for taking the time to keep us all up to date with the inner workings of the sport.
Joe I remember reading that article the first time round….It made me smile then too !
Happy New Year and all the best for 2011
“The piece of paper I don’t have with me may be a contract but in court there would be hundred of loopholes will would render it useless – as all F1 contracts are if the right price is offered. Thus, in essence, it is not really a contract”
You have me on the floor, Joe!
Lovely.
– j
Dont you just the BS Lawyer jargon of team bosses and sponsors. I think Liuzzi must have been talking to that potted plant.
By the way Mr Saward, on a different subject, is McLaren dumping the silver livery (re: Merc shares, engine, etc etc)?
JazzK1976,
I do not see the logic of dumping the livery. It was designed to last a long time because when McLaren lost Marlboro way back when the team realised it had lost its identity. Since then the livery has remained much the same with the silver and black providing “windows” for sponsors. I would not be surprised to see less silver and a little more grey, but I would be surprised if we saw yellow, green or pink.
Yes, you nailed it man. I always feel upset when all the fanboys talk bullshit about what they think that they know that it’s happening at Formula 1. Stop it, guys. We never know a sh**. And we never knew and we’ll never know. Formula 1 is like URSS in Thatcher’s words: it’s a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma.
So he’s not a pay driver in the same way that Nakajima Jnr wasn’t a pay driver?
I particularly liked the one about the engine…
On the McLaren livery, there was a mockup floating about this time last year with black replacing the chrome, and it looked fantastic. But I see that McLaren have put out a tweet confirming that they will stay with chrome and red.
Makes sense, I suppose — and anyway Mercedes very sensibly went for a brushed aluminium look that harkened back to the original Silver Arrows.
great post once again Joe, with that much Venezuelan money floating arounf why don’t they just buy Torro Rosso? They could rename it Team Venezuela with Maldonado and Ceccotto jnr as drivers. maybe they don’t want the hassle or maybe the pot of gold isn’t quite as full as Chavez would like people to think.
Maybe McLaren could go back to Orange? I seem to remember a test car being run in the old colours in the off season inbetween Marlboro leaving and West/Mercedes signing up.
If he’s bringing that much cash, I’d take Maldonado without a second thought. He’s a latter-day Diniz,;OK driver, lots of wonga. Good deal for any team, let alone one that’s needing cash.
Roger,
re: URSS AKA USSR
Those were Churchill’s words, actually, from a radio address in October, 1939.
Hackensack Toiletries International? So, you’ve had this thing for Northern New Jersey for a full 20 years, not just one recent bad experience at Newark!
Shame we didn’t get the Liberty State Park Grand Prix. But looking forward to an Audience with Joe in Austin.
@attentive
Ooops, I googled those words and it came to me that it was Thatcher’s, but you are right, I remember I read about it.
Of course, URSS=spanish USSR=english, and let me add, CCCP=russian 🙂 my fault again.
My hope is that those mistakes don’t make my statement useless…..
Maldonado aint great but he’s better than Diniz!
I think this my favourite piece of F1 writing ever…
Awesome, Simply Awesome
I remember a practice session where Diniz’s engineer was getting a bit “frustrated at Pedro’s pace and was asking him to “pick things up a bit” To which Pedro replied, “I don’t have to do this you know”!
Kind of summed up a rent-a-driver to me!
Brilliant stuff, Joe. 🙂
Tony, with a recording of a conversation like that, I wouldn’t be surprised if a team manager could force a paid-for driver to be sacked by the payer … let alone the team!
The funniest thing in there was the idea of Milka in an F1 car…
Although EJ Viso isn’t embarrassingly bad. Bit crash-prone, but fast and probably a better bet than Cecotto Jr.
“…from wasting her energies (and public money) in recent years…”
Subliminal belittling. Very capitalist thing to do.
Ali Unal,
What a ridiculous remark. It was not subliminal belittling. I was just being polite. I could have been more explicit – is that the socialist way? – and said that she was totally useless and wasting public money, which would have been more correct. In any case, talk me through the socialist hero of Latin America investing public money in the most capitalist of sports… What would Karl Marx make of that?
“It was an electrical problem.” (A rod came through the side of the engine and knocked the alternator off.)
Ah ha! Obviously it’s all based on a true story with a Ferrari driver 🙂
Maldonado isn’t a pay driver but the money wouldn’t be there without him. Not the first driver to arrive in a seat that way (and won’t be the last).
P.S. And clearly A Team isn’t based upon McLaren as Ron Dennis would never have said just “no.” 😉
Hey Joe, thanks for the excellent articles. Any chance of finding out if your doing another audience in Melbourne? I’ve already booked my flights, so I’m hoping that it’s within that period.
Frank,
The intention is to have an audience in Melbourne.
JS
Given Williams current financial predicament it’s hard to turn that kind of money down. If the driver was total crap they might not have done it but Maldonado should be solid in the second car. In an ideal world Williams would get another year out of Barrichello and then bring back Hulkenberg as their no.1 if he hasn’t been locked up by another team by then.
With regard to the “electrical problem” excuse, my memory of this story is that it came from Australian touring car driver “Pete” Geoghan in the sixties, after his car returned to the pits trailing oil and smoke:
“What happened Pete?”
“Electrical problem.”
“Electrical problem?”
“Yeah, conrod went through the side of the block and beat the f**king alternator to death.”
This may, of course, be apocryphal, but it’s a great story.
Mad Dan,
It is something of an apocryphal tale in the sport and I certainly do not claim to have originated it…
“It was an electrical problem.” (A rod came through the side of the engine and knocked the alternator off.)
I remember James Hunt making a similar joke about the famous red teams excuses.
Great article, Joe. BTW, Mclaren denied the livery change, so this is not interesting. However, it will be interesting to see whether money can buy you a talent, you know what I mean … Let’s stay tuned for 2011.
that’s why this is such a great blog, cutting the PR c*** down to size and giving us a clearer picture of reality!
Long may you continue.
Hmm – on a related note what’s the translation of the statement that CVC has “no knowledge of, nor any involvement in, any payment to Mr Gribkowsky or anyone connected with him in relation to CVC’s acquisition of Formula One”
Maybe it’s “the payment was made to a company which was at the time completely unconnected with him and was for consultancy services”
Either that or: “don’t look at us, it was probably bernie”
Joe, I never meant to suggest your were claiming that line as one of your own, I was just offering the earliest attribution I’d heard for it. I should have written … “my *earliest* memory of the story …” No offence was intended.
Mad Dan,
None taken.
Joe, please try to hold the audience prior to the race and not the same night as the webber supporters club night 😉
Elephino,
When is the Webber Supporters Club night?
If Pastor Maldonado isn’t considered a pay-driver… what the heck is Vitaly Petrov then?
It’s all a grey area though, sponsoring in F1.
Big sponsors demanding certain drivers to have a race seat.
Choosing sponsor budgets over talent.
I do know cash strapped Williams needs more budget… but ditching Nico Hulkenberg for Pastor Maldonado?
ps. PDVSA should support EJ Viso more in IRL!
Ralph,
Of course Petrov is a pay-driver. But he is a very good one.
This is a very well judged and funny piece of writing-Thanks Joe.
@ Ali Unal Lighten up, at least now the revolution WILL be televised
Ah yes, Hugo Chavez sat up in the Monaco VIP lounges fighting for the common worker. Should be good stuff. Actually can we see if Brundle and Eddie Jordan can catch him on a grid walk? That’d be a fun interview.
Saying that for $180 million I’d take on pretty much any half-baked driver if it gives Barrichello a chance at a well funded car to develop for a year or two until retirement. By 2013 you could have a team that is edging back into regular top 8 slots with a Hulkenburg etc back in the frame.
Joe, it’s normally the Thursday night before the race.
@ Joe,
If Maldonado is considered to be a pay driver, what did many make of Kazuki Nakajima when he was hired by Williams at the end of 2007?
Leigh O’Gorman,
A pay-driver
From what I can gather after the confusion of Greg Buckett suddenly becoming Glen Buckett, are you making a point here about the double talk and salacious dealings going on in the background of F1 Joe? Otherewise this is just another story about 2 drives competing for the same seat, and there has been far worse goings on than this! So a non-event for me. But, if you forget about who it is chasing the seat and look at this story from the team point of view, then you might uncover something verrrry interesting. I wait to see what you can dig up now. #:)
vodka and orange,
A mistake made 20 years ago and never spotted before… Wow.
sorry….line 4….that should be “story about 2 DRIVERS”…#:|
It seems that readers must have the same abilities to read threw “from what i hear” and “from rumors” that every reported writes.
Does that mean that the thing is certainty like that but the reported lacking proof can’t say it clear out loud? Does it mean it really is something that he heard a few involved people talking about so it is a strong possibility but nothing is certain? Is it something he heard of non involved people talking about so is probably just a rumor? Or is it just the reported using it to spread his own rumors?
You see things ain’t much easier for us ether.
A good article. Remember reading it when it first appeared in Autosport on my way home from school. Twenty years later, I’m working in politics and recognise the technique all too well…
Maldonado’s clearly there because of the money, but on the other hand, he’s shown more flashes of real ability than Nakajima ever did. Yes, it took him four years to win the GP2 title and he was thrashed by Hulkenberg when they teamed up at ART in ’09, but he’s always been very quick around Monaco. And he had a pretty phenomenal winning run mid-season in the feature races this year, against arguably a stronger field than last year. Suggests he has *some* innate ability. And certainly not F1’s Milka Duno (I think I remember hearing her husband happens to be a senior executive at Citgo)
It has opened my eyes regarding Maldonado to read the scenario and compare it to the past. Prior to this I was thinking it was a poor and desperate move by Williams since he had taken 4 years in GP2 etc but at least he won the championship.
In the past drivers have arrived without wins let alone championships and these can’t be bought(he arguably has a better junior record than perhaps Damon Hill did on paper) .
Seeing it as a major sponsor or supplier with a preference to a nationality is good way to view it allowing Williams to be viewed in the respectable light they probably deserve. We know that this is not unprecedented really, British, Brazilian, Japanese, Italian, French and German drivers have been assisted in this way due to Tobacco Companies, Car Manufacturers and other sponsors looking favourably on certain backgrounds throughout the history of motor racing.
I now wish Williams the best of luck.
Yes wow indeed – $36 million a year, but clearly “repulsive and irrelevant”……….err, on which planet?
Obviously not the same planet as the Grove bank manager!
Joe
enjoy your blogs tremendously. Always very interesting. Keep up the great work!!!!
To thank them I say we pay Venezuela to give Chavez’s mate Ken Livingstone a job for life in Caracas
Ali Uno, Milka Duno, or as IzodIndycar fans call her “Milk and Doughnuts”, was about the biggest embarrassment as a driver in any motorsport. If she had been a man, I would still say the same. She had one victory in Grand Am racing, and that wasn’t due to her performance, rather the performance of her co-driver, Andy Wallace. What’s really bad is that she seemed to have no idea how awful she really was, and was finally parked by the series. There was never any consideration for her as an F1 driver.
I suppose there are degrees of pay driver. I mean, Santander follow Alonso around, which is a very tasty bonus for anyone employing him, but he can hardly be called a pay driver.
I suppose the question is
a) would the driver be there if the sponsor wasn’t ?
b) would the sponsor be there if the driver wasn’t ?
Dear Joe,
I’ve been following your blog for a very long time and I’ve never heard of anything from you regarding any spending of any gigantic companies to be a waste. Why now? If the country is wasting the public money, then all companies all over the world is exploiting people to waste their money. Which one is more cruel and deserved to be criticised (not in paranthesis as well)?
Exploiting workers all over the world in order to gain more and more profit, I’m sorry but, means nothing but crap. All companies the likes of Ferrari, Mercedes or Renault are doing the same thing. Why not bother to point that out too?
My case is this, not to validate or advocate any socialist’s wrongdoing, if any. Truth is I don’t care as I’m not capitalis not socialist.
Ali Unal,
The difference between capitalism and communism is that one is the exploitation of man by man and the other is the opposite. I could not care less what a government spends unless I happen to a taxpayer in that country… however if i was a Malaysian taxpayer I would be worried that the national car company is investing in an unrealistic project that has little chance of success. I am not saying that because I know, but rather because I talk to people who do know and they ALL tell me that the whole Lotus Cars project is not going to work. I have nothing against Dany Bahar. All I know of him is his reputation, which is not good. End of story. I am reporting what I hear, not passing judgement because I think I know better…
Thank you Glen. Oh, by the way, what happened to your car in the last session?
“It was an electrical problem.” (A rod came through the side of the engine and knocked the alternator off.)
Reminds me of a story from Nigel Roebuck about the old Alfa team in the 80s when their turbo-charged engines were notoriosly unreliable.
After another failure, a car was brought back to the paddock and a tarpaulin thrown over it to hide the embarrasment. Roebuck went up to the team manager and asked what the problem was.
“Oh, an oil leak” was the reply.
Roebuck obviously did’nt look too convinced so the tarpaulin was lifted up and the manager said
“Look, you can see the hole where the oil leaked from” pointing to a large aperture in the engine cover which had been punched out by a departing con-rod.
Good post tnx